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Actual letter of resignation from an employee at Zantex Computers, USA
November 27th, 13:27
Dear Mr Baker,
As a graduate of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of my co-workers and me during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time.
Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time.
You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will.
You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude.
In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle. Since this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation, however I have a few parting thoughts.
1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal for you to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.
2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favorites list", which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favourably by the administration.
3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your Mother's birthday," you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a sauce bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please; I hate having to correct your mistakes.)
Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never fuck with your systems administrator. Why? Because they know what you do with all that free time!
Wishing you a grand and glorious day,
Cecelia
As a graduate of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of my co-workers and me during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time.
Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time.
You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will.
You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude.
In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle. Since this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation, however I have a few parting thoughts.
1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal for you to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.
2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favorites list", which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favourably by the administration.
3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your Mother's birthday," you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a sauce bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please; I hate having to correct your mistakes.)
Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never fuck with your systems administrator. Why? Because they know what you do with all that free time!
Wishing you a grand and glorious day,
Cecelia
Мы должны научиться, наконец, говорить правду.
November 7th, 20:12
Найден представляющий интерес документ: www.kadirov.ru/node/42
Век живи, век учись
October 17th, 17:38
The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.
На злобу дня
August 9th, 12:10
В течении двух недель довелось засвидетельствовать быструю, можно сказать скоропостижную смерть жесткого диска на 500GB в новом MacBook Pro и медленную, так ещё до конца не состоявшуюся в Macbook Pro исправно работавшем три года. По степени ошеломляемости это из разряда новостей про нохчей, устанавливающих свои порядки в г.Знаменске, он же Капустин Яр-1. Never forget the importance of periodic weapon maintenance:-) (C).
В то же время порадовали пассажи в прессе про, видимо, так и оставшуюся дырку в заборе, в которую пришлось в свое время пролазить, окружающем режимный город. Хоть что-то устойчиво и постоянно в этом мире бушующем:-).
В то же время порадовали пассажи в прессе про, видимо, так и оставшуюся дырку в заборе, в которую пришлось в свое время пролазить, окружающем режимный город. Хоть что-то устойчиво и постоянно в этом мире бушующем:-).
Protons, Neutrons, Electrons
August 6th, 22:53
And enemy is a remedy to a malady in your melody
If you're strong not brittle
And a friend is a friend
Is a friend to the end and its oh so simple
A man is a man and a woman is a woman
But the times we are living in demand
That a man can change from a man to a woman
And a woman can demand to be a man
Were just flesh with socks and locks and frocks
And I am here to say to you
On the day that I die Ill just give a smile and fly into the blue
If you're strong not brittle
And a friend is a friend
Is a friend to the end and its oh so simple
A man is a man and a woman is a woman
But the times we are living in demand
That a man can change from a man to a woman
And a woman can demand to be a man
Were just flesh with socks and locks and frocks
And I am here to say to you
On the day that I die Ill just give a smile and fly into the blue
[LJ2ME] Bullshit artists
July 17th, 10:08
It is not easy to be in a situation when you can only wish that this bloody paper would be rejected straight away...
Michael Haneke
July 5th, 12:28
“I always say that film is 24 lies per second at the service of truth or at the service of the attempt to find the truth.”
Академ-зоопарк: обитатели
June 7th, 12:33
Получил, наконец (!), маленький такой грантик (на исследования) от одной ба-а-альшой, такой компании. В "нынешнем экономической климате" (yes, the 'current economic climate', dammit) , как тут любят говорить, это был длительный и непростой процесс. В связи с происшедшим интересно и поучительно наблюдать за изменениями в поведении, и в отношении, коллег. Выглядит, в некоторых случаях, довольно мелко и мелочно, особенно в сравнении с ситуацией в которой находится мой коллега из другого университета, вовлеченный в этот же исследовательский проект. Сестра его оказывается подключена к аппарату диализа и он решил отдать ей свою почку.
PS Приезд из Австралии бывшего начальства, всё ещё озабоченного тем, чего бы ещё урвать в своих бывших владениях, прошёл, как писали в советских газетах, "в тёплой и дружественной атмосфере". "Хоть ссы в глаза..." (C)
PS Приезд из Австралии бывшего начальства, всё ещё озабоченного тем, чего бы ещё урвать в своих бывших владениях, прошёл, как писали в советских газетах, "в тёплой и дружественной атмосфере". "Хоть ссы в глаза..." (C)
Fun For The Whole Family!
May 29th, 19:39
We guarantee that you will experience at least two hijacking attempts by pirates or we will refund half your money back, including gun rental charges and any unused ammo (mini gun charges not included). How can we guarantee you will experience a hijacking? We operate at 5 knots within 12 miles of the coast of Somalia. If an attempted hijacking does not occur, we will turn the boat around and cruise by at 4 knots. We will repeat this for up to 8 days making three passes a day along the entire length of Somalia. At night the boat is fully lit and bottle rockets are shot off at intervals and loud disco music beamed shore side to attract attention.
Одновременно и у берегов Африканского континента появилась похожая услуга. Туристам предлагается совершить тур по водной глади Африканского Рога, где до сих пор действуют сомалийские пираты, несмотря на привлечение крупных международных военно-морских сил. "Это как сафари, только лучше", - сообщает сайт somalicruises.com.
Одновременно и у берегов Африканского континента появилась похожая услуга. Туристам предлагается совершить тур по водной глади Африканского Рога, где до сих пор действуют сомалийские пираты, несмотря на привлечение крупных международных военно-морских сил. "Это как сафари, только лучше", - сообщает сайт somalicruises.com.
Fallout 3: Wadsworth's (Robot Butler) Jokes
May 28th, 23:08
A neutron walks into a bar "how much for a drink?" he asks. The bartender replies "For you, no charge".
I once visited a crematorium where they gave discounts to burn victims.
Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.
I once visited a crematorium where they gave discounts to burn victims.
Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.